Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
