Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
