Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
