Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
