somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
