Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
