My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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