Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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