I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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