I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
