Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
