There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
