you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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