Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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