the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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