Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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