Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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