its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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