Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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