omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
