And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
