I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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