how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
