I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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