Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
