you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
