I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
