life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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