Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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