Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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