I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
