HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
