those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
