PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
