These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
