I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
