Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
PANTIES FOUND
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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