You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
