There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
That reminds me...we need to get swords
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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