i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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