we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
