i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
