There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
