i think i have two assholes
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
