I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
