Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize