barbara walters just said penis...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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