I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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