Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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