I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
