Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
