i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
