i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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