I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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