I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
