Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
