I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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