Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
