I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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