it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
