How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
