So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
