I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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