the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
