my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
