OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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