We're facebook friends in real life
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Acid is not a monday night drug
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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