I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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