I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
