I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
