she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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